And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
