NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
