omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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