Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
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I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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