I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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