i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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