Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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