My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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