We're like a lot better than the average bears
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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