Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
