its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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