ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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