i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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