Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
