You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
