Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
