He felt like a one man threesome
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
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I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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