Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
