Your mouth is God's brothel.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize