Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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