I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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