she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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