Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sorry my hands just texted you
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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