i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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