He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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