I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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