When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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