I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
