why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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