So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
