he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
