This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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