He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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