3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
