Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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