yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
