I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
