I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
