My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize