I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
