those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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