i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
