i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
