She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
