I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
