I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Bring me that man meat
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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