Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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