Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
