literally had 100 drinks last night.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
