Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
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I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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