i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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