Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
