After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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