well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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