Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
