Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
