i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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