dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
