Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
