I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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