I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
