well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My balls are so social today.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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